Realized
by Lyra Raine Sparrow
Summary: Annie realizes something she should have a long time ago. Rated T for mild language.
1. Realized

**A/n: I got the inspiration for this from a comment on a song on YouTube. I heard about the song from the author's note from the third chapter of 'Bottled Chaos' by Moonlit Masterpiece.**

**The song_: Almost Lover_ by _A Fine Frenzy; _A too perfect song about Annie and Ben's relationship.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Covert Affairs. If I did, we would already be halfway through a 20 episode season.**

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><p><strong>*~Realized~*<strong>

Yet again, I found myself sitting before the hearth in my sister's guest house. It had been cold these past few nights and even though the heat works fine, I still enjoyed the calming crackle of the fire; the soothing scent of the cedar burning. My eyes burned, not from the fire but from the tears that have been lingering these past few months.

Ever since that mission in Sri Lanka; ever since HIS death; I sat in front of that fire every night wondering why. Why did he leave me? Alone? In that shack on the beach? Why did he leave me with nothing but that stupid note? Why did he come back?

Did he think I was that stupid? That I would graciously open my arms and welcome him back? Did he think I wanted another heartbreak? Did he think I was that forgiving?

My silent sobs joined in with the crackling fire as I remembered the words my best friend had said to me earlier, after finding me crying in the bathroom for the millionth time in the past three months;

"_Annie. Stop. He's not worth it."_

"_Auggie. I loved him."_

"_No, you loved the idea of love."_

"_How do you know? Huh? How do you know he wasn't 'The One?'"_

_Auggie sighed. "Annie, give it a rest. It's been three months since he died and almost three years since he left you on that beach. Alone. With nothing but a note," he pointed out._

"_I know. I was there." I said angrily._

"_Annie. Know that I'm your friend, your confident. That for the most part I'm always here for you. But if you keep this up, I won't be. Open your eyes, Annie. Ben Mercer left you on that beach because he didn't love you." Auggie half yelled. "Look around. There's some out there for you. Ben, however, is not him. It's past time to forget; time you found someone else. They probably won't be a helpless romantic, but not all of us can be."_

"_Auggie, I-"_

"_Don't Annie. You need to see what right in front of you. Waiting. Helping. There's a time and place for everything. If you need to breakdown, do it at home, by yourself. Not in the girls' bathroom of the CIA. What we do is hard, Annie. It always will be, but don't make it any harder than it already is. The Agency needs you; Joan needs you; Danielle needs you; Chloe; Katia… they need you. For God's sake, Annie, I need you!" He yelled. "Ben's gone. For good. There's absolutely no chance he'll be back. Get. Over. Him."_

"_I can't. I just…can't," I cried._

_He grabbed his laser cane and started walking to the door. He paused for a moment debating on saying anything else. "I love you Annie, but Jesus Christ! It's time you woke up!" He left then. Leaving me alone._

"Auggie." I cried. With the memory, came the feeling of abandonment. He gave up on me too. Just like Danielle. Why is everyone leaving me? Maybe he was right. Maybe I need to get up and get on with my life.

I sighed. "Maybe he is." I said aloud. And that's all it took for me to realize something I should have realized a long time ago.

I ran upstairs and found the scrapbook of my travels and brought it down stairs. I knew what I had to do. I needed to rid myself of all memories of him. Every picture I took during those fateful three weeks had to go. I tossed them all into the fire. Watching them burn, I felt something change inside me. I no longer felt the need to cry but rather I felt the urge to smile. Something I hadn't done in a long time.

But there was something bugging me. I search everywhere for the little trinket I threw across my room when I returned from Sri Lanka. I found it in the couch. A cowrie shell bracelet. The hardest thing to rid myself of.

_He's not worth it…_ Auggie's words rang in my mind.

I turned the bracelet around in my hands before throwing it away. Right as I was about to drop it, something caught my eye; a little green dot. I smiled. "You were right all along," I said, dropping the bracelet in the trash. "Thanks for the wakeup call."

I yawned. I needed sleep, but there was one more thing I had to do before turning in for the night. I returned upstairs with my newly cleaned out scrapbook and set it on my desk. In the top drawer, I had thrown a lot of stuff in it since working for the CIA. Just little things from memorable missions; a Powder Puff Girl sticker; an orange wrist band; a gold necklace; some guys card from Data-Tech. But those were useless to me right now.

I had a new mission; to forget my past and get on with the future. I smiled as I found the two things I was looking for; a picture and a small card. Though both reminded me of hard times, and one of Ben, they were also reminders of Auggie's care for me.

I couldn't help but smile as I taped in the picture of Auggie and me in front of the DC morgue. The picture was only taken to get a fingerprint so we could break into the morgue and look at a body, but he was there for me. And it really was a good picture of us.

Taping the card in, however, was a bit harder. Yes it reminded me of Auggie's worry for me but it also reminded me of _HIM_. I decided it didn't matter. It was _Auggie's_ number on that card not _HIS_.

My smile returned as I looked down at the start of a new chapter of my life. Hopefully, one that brought back good memories, rather than ones of heartbreak and almost lovers. One that would last forever.

_I love you…_ Auggie's voice said again.

Although, at the time, the tone they were said in was one of disappointment and anger, they now made a flutter of hope rush through me. "I love you, too. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out. I hope my inability to forget has ruined our chance for together," I whispered, my fingers ghosting the page.

I went to bed happy and, for the first time in a long time, I dreamt of happy times. And not one of them included Ben Mercer.

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><p><strong>Challange?: Here's the set up scene. Write up a follow up scene.<strong>

**Rules: Has to be based around a song. Has to be within 1,000-1,200 words. **


	2. Forgiving

**A/n: Okay, so I decided that I couldn't get enough of this story. I had a hard time finding a song though. I kind of settled on **_**All the Same**_** by the**_** Sick Puppies. **_**I felt it was very fitting for what Auggie realizes the next morning. More like the mood of the song rather than the actual lyrics, though they to some extent do go along with what happens. I'm always open to requests and suggestions. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Covert Affairs. The show and characters belong to USA and writers.**

**P.S.: This chapter written in 3****rd**** person, mainly because that's how it flowed from me. A nice change though, from my usual first person.**

**P.P.S.: I'm debating on whether or not to keep the community challenge up or not. And the song is for this and the next chapter.**

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><p><strong>*~Forgiving~*<strong>

As Auggie woke up the next morning, a wave of guilt washed over him. He felt horrible about what he said to his best friend but he said what needed to be said…and hopefully Annie listened.

Rolling out of bed and heading to the bathroom, Auggie went through his morning rituals monotonously. He was not looking forward to the inevitable confrontation of the woman he left crying in the bathroom of the Agency. _God, Annie_, he thought, _why are you doing this to me?_

Walking in the front door, he heard the unmistakable sound of Annie's kitten heels walking swiftly in his direction and the slight scent of Jo Malone Grapefruit tickle his nose as she passed. _Strange, she normally stops to say hi. What's with her?_

Auggie pondered the question as he made his way to the tech office. As he opened to sliding glass door, he heard Stu get up and walk over to him. "Yes?" Auggie asked, sitting down after Stu paused hesitantly before him.

"Um, here. These were dropped off for you." Stu said, brushing something warm against the back of his hand,_ coffee_; and placing something stiff on the desk in front of him_, a file_, he surmised.

"Thanks. Who got the coffee?" Auggie asked. He took a sip and the longed-for warm liquid filled him with much needed warmth.

"I was sworn into secrecy." Stu replied, a smile slipping into his voice.

"Annie?" Auggie guessed.

"Just read the note. It should clear up some things."

"Read?" Auggie asked. "And how to you suppose I do that?"

"Don't worry. It's in Braille." Stu said walking back over to his desk and sitting down.

Auggie ran his hand a long his desk until it ran into a stiff piece of paper. A faint smile reached his lips as he realized who it was from.

Annie was at her desk when she heard Joan call her. "Have a seat." Joan said when she stepped into her superior's office. Annie obliged and sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"What is this about?" Annie inquired. Joan closed the file on her desk.

"How are you?" Joan wondered. Annie was confused. Joan cared for her agents, but she never took one aside to personally ask them how they were, unless of course it was Auggie.

"Fine," Annie said wearily.

"What happened in the women's bathroom yesterday?" the elder blonde asked.

"How did you-" Annie began but caught herself, remembering she worked for the CIA. She sighed. "I broke down, again. Auggie tried to comfort me but I just kept pushing him away. He realized what I was doing and called me out. Said I needed to wake up and left." She shrugged.

"You seem fine for a girl whose best friend just gave up on her," Joan stated.

"He didn't give up on me, just gave me a wake -up call." Annie smiled. There was a knock on Joan's door.

"Come in." Joan stated.

"You wanted to see me?" Auggie's voice said.

"Yes. Have a seat." Joan said. Auggie walked in, hand slightly out in front of him. He found the back of Annie's chair. "Other chair." Joan said. Auggie nodded and moved to the other seat and sat down.

"How are you Auggie?" Joan asked.

"Fine," he said, crossing his arms.

"Would you care to tell me what you told Annie yesterday?" Joan demanded.

"I told her she needed to wake-up, that she needed to quit mourning over that bastard's death. I said there were too many people that relied on her; that needed her to not breakdown at work every other day." Auggie answered. "I told her she needs to realize what's in front of her while she had it; I can't be there for her every time. She needs to realize that there are other people out there; people who actually loved her."

"Like you." Joan noted.

"I don't know what you mean." He might have declined Joan's idea but the blush that crept up his neck and reddened his ears said otherwise. Joan just gave him a pointless, accusing glare.

"Did you ever think you were too harsh?" Joan asked.

"Yes. But I said what needed to be said in the only way that could get through to her." Auggie said, annoyed.

"Yes, well, she's still fragile and heartbroken," Joan said. Auggie looked down at his feet, sighing. "Look Auggie, we all have things we wish to keep out of harm, away from heartbreaks and such. But you have to remember, we each have our own way of getting through things."

"I know. I just…I don't know…" Auggie said.

"You love her." Joan stated.

Auggie ran his hand through his shaggy brown hair. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"That's not very convincing." Joan piqued, a smile forming ever so slightly. Annie opened her mouth to say something, but Joan held up her finger.

"What?" he asked.

"What would you say to Annie to convince her of your love?" Joan questioned.

"I-I don't know." Auggie said. Both he and Annie bit back a bubble of anger. If this was Joan's idea of a joke…

"Yes you do." Joan said. "I suppose this circumstance is quite awkward, though." Auggie sighed.

"You think?" Auggie said. "I don't see how anyone could feel comfortable telling their boss that they're in love with a co-worker, especially if she's sitting in the chair next to him." He smirked in Annie's direction. He had smelt her perfume when he walked in. Joan little comment of 'other chair' had only convinced him further.

"How do you-" Joan asked. Annie's smirk matched Auggie's when she saw the utter shock on their superior's face.

"I might be blind Joan, but that's only caused the rest of my senses to heighten. You of all people should know that. Though, I'm insulted that you would trick me like that."

Joan opened her file again and seemed suddenly overwhelmed with work. "Dismissed," she said without looking up.

Glancing at her watch, Annie realized it was time for lunch. "Head to lunch with me?" she asked him as they left the office. She brushed the back of her hand against his, allowing him to travel up her arm and latch on to her elbow.

"Yes, but," he began, his sightless eyes searching for the right words. "Can I –I mean –we, can we talk? Privately?"

She took in his worried expression as they walked down the hall. "Later." She decided.

"No, Annie now. It's about that note." He said.

She sighed in defeat and stopped in front of the girls' bathroom. She popped her head in and called to anyone in there before pulling him in there and locking the door.


End file.
